Dear Stanley,
My boss loves to talk. If I have a question for her, I dread going into her office because a question with a yes/no answer can drag into two hours of her telling stories about her kids, making my work day inefficient. Now she’s implemented a rule in which all staff must count their work hours by subtracting time spent talking with others, including her! How can I keep my boss on track so I don’t have to stay late every day?
Tired of Listening
Dear Reasonable One,
Can you not speak up? What’s the matter with you? Cat got your tongue, or some other part of your body? Your logorrheic boss has given you the ultimate tool against her anxiety and oppressive fear of solitude. “Barb,” you may say without fear of contradiction, “you told us that we will be docked for time spent talking with others, even when it’s the others who are doing the talking. Even, I have to say — though it pains me very much — you yourself. You have issued the edict. Now we must obey. Our children may go without toys, our dogs must chew on ancient marrow bones, now devoid of even a wisp of beef flavor, if we do not work hard, all the time. That’s why you’re a great manager.”
Of course, the rub is that pretty soon some other suckup will happen by who is willing to lose a couple hundred bucks a year talking with the boss. You have to be willing to cede that chair when somebody other than you has parked his or her ass on it.
To me, the bottom line is this: If you like talking with Barb, talk to her and then bust her chops about docking you for the time you spend together. Tell her it’s called a meeting. You are “managing” by discussing the issues of the day. Tell her you are sacrificing time that could be spent very productively while doing so, and that you don’t want to be docked for it. If you do NOT like talking with Barb, if she is a solipsistic bore or a toxic narcissist and you yearn to get free, then do your work and ease out of her zone as soon as you possibly can each time, every time, always being polite but never really friendly.
