I Slept With my Boss and Now He's Acting Weird

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  1

  ingoodcompany

  02/10/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  The good news: you're not pregnant. The bad news: you are probably already a target for termination, with poor performance used as a justification.
  
  Rule #1: Call your attorney, and ask for guidance.
  
  Rule #2: Document everything "weird" starting with the day of the trip. Note the time, place and circumstances of the sexual encounter, and any other "weirdness", no matter how seemingly innocent.
  
  Rule #3: Document any shortfall in his meeting your resource needs to complete your work. That includes unreturned phone calls regarding work matters, lack of supervisory attention or direction on projects and assignments, failure to give regular performance feedback or appraisals, etc.
  
  Rule #4: Use email effectively. Even if he is talking to you, still regularly send your boss full weekly accounts of what you're working on, each of your successes. Do it daily if the issues are big enough. Also make email requests for any guidance, suggestions or resources on matters that are appropriate for asking for support from management. (Don't sound like you don't know what you're doing. Just nicely ask for the support you deserve as a subordinate but are not getting.)
  
  Rule #5: Watch others in his circle for "weirdness". He may have talked. If he did, that's good news because it validates his indiscretion. The bad news about that is that your reputation could be damaged...but that helps establish hostile environment, if you can prove he talked later.
  
  Rule #6. Discreetly find out your company's policy on "fraternization" between employees, and particularly between superior and subordinate. Its a new world out here, and what was at one time considered an ineffable gaff is often these days just considered a speed bump. But some organizations consider what you've done as grounds for dismissing BOTH employees. KNOW.
  
  Rule #6. Get checked for VD/STD, even if he wore a full wet suit.

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  2

  ilive2win.com

  02/10/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Nice response "ingood" - right out of the attorney handbook. Feeling jilted or out of personal fullfilment options?

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  3

  j10e5w23@...

  02/10/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Excellent advice Stan.

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  4

  vishal.bhathcl@...

  02/10/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He??Ts Acting Weird

  dear this is bad that for only professional advantages u slept with ur boss .ask for the forgiveness from GOD .this might look strange to you in this highly technified and professional world but thsi is truth GOD have the answers for all .ask JESUS regarding this he will definetly help u and give u freedom from the guiltyness .
  OTHERWISE GO For ur wisdom
  thanks
  vishal

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  5

  snayeem@...

  02/10/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Mistake from both side

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  6

  Jagadeesh Babu

  02/10/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Sleeping with boss is only for a causal factor but ergonomically and professionally you need to perfom and prove your capability rather than stooping down but you can allow the flirting strategy to be implemented according to British Scientist it is highly hygienic in nature.

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  7

  Terhorst.Richard@...

  02/11/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Ahh.. the PC brigade will be foaming at the mouth. So will the attorneys.
  
  Silly. Silly to worry about natural things happening and silly for the people involved to get themselves in a spot of bother.
  
  Sleeping with the boss, however satisfying, will not work and certainly the other female staff will catch on quickly and repurcussions, even if only of a non-legal variety, will follow.
  
  Liked the non judgmental tone of the article.

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  8

  mjs18331

  02/11/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Setting aside the rights and wrongs and possible fallout of the situation for a moment, if he "looked at you with lust" (a rather subjective assessment) but won't return calls and e-mails -- he's just not that into you. Let it go and hope you get through this without getting burned too badly

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  9

  tguarnera

  02/11/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Forget the atourney, forget documenting your daily activities, and most of all forget that the night ever happened. Most of all, don't ever let it happen again. There are planty of potential mates in the world to muddy up your life with a work relationship.
  
  Besides keeping your work cloths on your body, keep doing your job. Do it well and show him that you are more than just a romp in the sack.
  
  If all that fails, find a new job. These are not the times to be on the job hunt, but these are also not the times to be pushed out on someone else's whim.

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  kevbuckby

  02/11/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Has it really come to this...? Two consenting adults have sex and suddenly we're all wringing our hands and calling in the lawyers. Whatever happened to personal responsibility? This isn't rape or sexual assault. This is just two people behaving in a manner that some might deem dumb, others might regard as the fledgling first steps of a love that might or might not take flight. If he doesn't call back, it's because he doesn't like you enough. Get over it and get on with your life.

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  11

  Janet Krenn

  02/11/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Loved your reply, SB. Thanks for not being judgmental or condescending. When dealing with topics such as theses, there's always the potential for both. Kudos.
  
  All of the commenters also had great things to say!
  
  I think ingoodcompany (first comment) made some amazing points. To refute what a later commenters have said, this isn't "wringing our hands and calling in the lawyers". Ingood's comment would simply help this gal protect herself legally in case her boss tries to mess with her career. It sounds like the perfect workplace morning after pill to me.

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  12

  manutosee

  02/12/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Its amazing this high caliber boss (you selected to sleep with because of his high flying abilities...pretty sure you wont select one in your own ranks) is so dumb to have selected you to sleep with him!! Again we don't have the whole picture here...is he married with another women or what his personal status is? Why did you try to contact him after - personal or business? Why did you agree to sleep with him in the first case - did you talk with him about this? I can't understand people doing things on a whim and then trying to manipulate it for their 'Benefits'. If that's what you had in mind from the beginning, then why don't you get over this by contacting an attorney (if you are worried about losing the job etc. etc.). If not, just imagine this as another club scene and have fun!! In any case I can't imagine how freaking dumb your stupid boss is!!

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  ingoodcompany

  02/12/09 | Report as spam

  AUGMENTED RECOMMENDATIONS

  Based on some of the comments above, I'll add these:
  
  #7. First, forgive yourself. Guilt isn't helpful (but genuine remorse certainly is, to help you avoid making this mistake again). Don't get "down on yourself" over a single mistake.
  
  #8. Having sex with a superior/subordinate is NOT natural, albeit it happens routinely for a variety of reasons -- none of which are good. Your boss abused his authority, and you allowed yourself to succumb to a common error and lapse in judgment. But if it were "natural", no one would have ever won a lawsuit over it.
  
  #9. Forgive him...but don't let him off the hook for taking an equal part in moving forward after a mistake. Be smart and professional about it, but take nothing for granted with respect to his "good intentions". The idiot already demonstrated that "good intentions toward you aren't his strong suit.
  
  #9. Don't let others cause you to get confused between morality and ethics. They're two different things. We each have varied religious beliefs or moral values systems that will cause our personal conscience to either accuse or excuse us in such a circumstance. But this is not just a moral issue once the deed is done with a work mate, as opposed to just some one night stand witha stranger in a bar, for example. Its now a business ethical issue that has legal implications. Talk to your priest, rabbi, monk or mommy about the religious/moral implications, if you wish. But if you get fired, none of them can help you with anything other than emotional support. (SEE RULE #1)

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  14

  dan@...

  02/12/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Can you see how complicated things have become?
  Here's some advice for those of you contemplating this type of madness.
  
  Here's the process -
  Keeping it Simple:
  Office Politics Rule #1: Don't engage in any sexual activity with the boss or his/her spouse.
  Office Politics Rule #2: Remember Business Rule #1.
  
  Failure to abide to Office Politics Rule #1:
  This is where things becomes murky and tricky and outcomes indeterminate and it is recommended that you follow the advice of "ingoodcompany's" Orifice Politics Rules #1 to 9.
  Note: Check regularly for any amendments and or addendums to these rules
  
  

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  Sly Dumber

  02/13/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He??????s Acting Weird

  I do not know how long they kept exchanging leers at each other before the resultant act. i am asking this because i find my self in a similar situation ; without the act yet! these exchanges have continued for the past 5 yrs and i'm still keeping my distant in the face of "wicked temptations- brushing of bodies and the likes". i enjoy the reverie sometimes but sincerely i know is, disappointly though, wrong. i guess that is what has prevented the act coupled with the fact that i'm married. what i'm saying here is that its not been easy to fight this adrenalin.
  
  In my case she is my colleague!
  
  
  

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  SueMaxStevens

  02/13/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Okay, so take this out of the office for a minute. Put the same situation in a group of friends. How much does it mess up the group dynamics if 2 members have sex or start a relationship? Others get jealous. Some are just uncomfortable. Then what happens when the relationship ends? Typically, someone ends up being left out of the group because it's just too uncomfortable for everyone. The group never goes back to what it was before. Just look at what happens when couples divorce. The "groups of friends" are divided up between the spouses.
  
  Now, add the dynamic of the workplace. Office relationships within a team are typically the beginning of the end of one of the team members. Whether you just ruined your bosses career OR your boss just ruined yours, is yet to be seen.
  
  Step away from the boss. Forget the relationship. Don't pursue him any further. And, check with a lawyer to make sure you are protected. Then, polish your resume, because even if the lawyer is successful, the work environment could become uncomfortable to the point of needing to find a new job. Remember, even if he is the one that leaves, some of the team has his loyalty and you may not recover those business relationships.
  
  And, Sly, get a divorce and get a new job, then pursue the lust you have carried. Or don't and just keep resisting. It's the right thing to do.

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  17

  ingoodcompany

  02/13/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  This whole issue is not just about having sex.
  Let's fine tune the context a little more.
  There are only a few types of businesses at which employees come to the work place expecting to have sex with coworkers and/or customers. Unless you work for a porn film studio, escort service or a bordello, the following comments aren't for you.
  
  Paychecks and sex are usually completely unrelated for the vast majority of workers. Most people come to work just to do their jobs and go home. That's why its called 'the work place' and not 'the sex place'.
  
  And yet, there are those rare individuals who are willing to risk everything, their careers, marriages, families, their health, lawsuits, reputation and even their very lives these days for a single indiscreet sexual encounter with a coworker about whom they know virtually nothing more than the way their clothes fit.
  
  A manager, above all, is supposed to have the best interests of his subordinates at heart in the day to day work. The manager in this case clearly failed that test. Who would believe that this manager could ever render another fair, effective and honest performance evaluation for his subordinate in order to genuinely further her career? And what other employee, given the choice, would want to report to him? What he did is the equivalent of a shepherd roasting one of his own sheep. Who would want to be the next one in line?
  
  It is relevant to wonder whether these two people are emotionally mature enough and sufficiently secure and stable to handle what they've done and and move past it. In theory, its possible, and in reality, many people have done it just to keep their jobs.
  
  However, even if folks can somehow block it out, this manager has demonstrated he is clearly a predator who will use his employees to satisfy his own needs first and foremost. He has shown that he manages at the expense of his subordinates, not as a team leader who supports his team members.
  
  A fundamental truth not yet mentioned in this forum is that workmates often fall in love, sometimes they even marry and live out exemplary family relationships that last a lifetime. It happens. It really does.
  
  But that's not what's happened here. This is not simply about sex. The manager violated a trust. He's not worthy.

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  18

  WULAIMOT

  02/20/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  It is quite unfortunate that you allow this to happen to you. Some male bosses enjoy having illicit affairs with their female surbodinates. It is now left for a lady to be disciplined and be more focused on her job than responding to sex monger boss. I will suggest that you forget about what has happend between both of you move forward.
  If there is change, sit him down and let him know that what happen was a mistake and would never happen again and don allow it affect your emotion and your official work. Be firmed and applied professionalism to your work.
  For your information, ive worked with about 8 male bosses in which about 6 of them have made similar approach but from day one I let them know my stand, though some of them intimidated me to the extent that i nearly resigned my appointment, but today, God has help me to build a very good reputation. Adultery or fornication brings regret and sorrow at the end. Pray for God forgiveness and never mix pleasure with work again (esp in a working place).

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  19

  4commonsense

  04/03/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  I am not trying to beat you up but if you knew that your boss had a thing for you then you went for drinks with your eyes open. You have a personal responsibility for your part in the situation.
  
  Common sense shows us that even dogs do not deficate where they sleep. Business is business and pleasure is on your own personal time. You both made a mistake. I would be surprised if your boss were not acting weird.

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  Miss Wonderful

  04/10/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  This is too good to not respond!!! So you've heard it all from straight out the attorney handbooks to setting and having a one on with GOD and your boss. You don't need me to tell you that this was the most irresponsible thing one can do in today's economy. I am not here to judge but merely want to share my view in this sticky yet juicy conversion. Ask to be transferred to another department where he is NOT superior. Or deal with it as two adults. It's just sex that could potentially ruin all that you have worked for thus far. But know he will never look at you the same way again. He has conquered what's next?? Bottom line your living it something has to work for your situation. Try not to sleep with any more bosses no matter how tempting the invite is. It's just not worth it in the long hall. And if you do sleep with him or another boss again please let him be the pursuer and talk before you act!!

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  21

  gmoeller1

  04/10/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Knucklehead. (Yes, very judgmental and unrepentant about it.)
  
  You needlessly took on a high level of risk and for what? Ordinary working world obstacles and uncertainties weren't enough, you wanted to live on the edge? If so, why the angst after the fact? Rejoice! Whatever your challenges before, the situation is really (literally) screwed up now, so whoop it up, sister.
  
  Find yourself longing for an earlier, simpler time? Shop your resume around and get the hell out of there. If your company is large enough, move to another department. If not, find a new employer. Cross your fingers, wish on a star, think good thoughts, do good deeds, and pray your tawdry little "romance" doesn't surface - in a divorce filing, for example.
  
  In the future, if you are going to do the wild thing with a superior, inferior, or colleague, make sure the context allows you to credibly present it as a dating relationship (at least). Get clarity on this point BEFORE anything gets unzipped, hiked up, or flung onto the bedpost.
  

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  gmoeller1

  04/10/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  By the way, best wishes for a successful resolution.

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  23

  nishantagrawal

  04/11/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Well baby (honourably),
  
  Generalising from generalisations, geenrally speaking, generally men are like dogs (honourably again) not in the sense that they're loyal like dogs but in the (non)sense that when they get the 'urge' there are no tariff or non-tariff barriers, and they get focused only to 'get it'. This gives them immense 'work fulfiment' in aspects not all known to man.
  If I were in your place I wouldn't waste my energy and time on being dumbfounded but rather get sharp to make a lay out in the aftermath of your getting laid. Get a bit crafty and use the situation to get mileage (horizontally speaking). It may sound like making sense of all the (non)sense I've written but worth the booty!
  With all my genuine 'affecrfion' for you honey!
  Respectully yours,
  You know who (or, may be not).
  

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  24

  venz

  04/29/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Things happen! you better behave now.. well, ask God forgiveness and promise not to tease or show your tush to anybody unless wanted to get serious.. women are God given to men, we are human do't be a beast!

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  bobbybrownhk

  04/30/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  what??

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  26

  sfoRealityBytes

  05/01/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Let me interject some contrarian wisdom here.
  
  You clearly knew what you were doing before you slept with your boss. Your boss clearly knew what he was doing as well.
  
  This leads me to think that you are either (1) stupid as all get out because this rarely EVER works out or (2) looking to try to cash in here.
  
  I personally am sick and tired of hearing of cases like this. If I were you, I'd seriously look for another job and hope that your reputation being the boss' booty call doesn't carry into your next job. I have seen that happen before - usually the manager manages to survive, leaving wrecks like you in his wake.
  
  Good luck.

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  27

  Ramallah

  05/01/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Ask god for forgiveness; u guys, could u plz convey my warmest greetings to ur god, when i was stupid and believer in such myths, i used to approach him/her/it and masage his/her/its ego on daily basis, but futile. because u r mindlessly babling to this poor victim confidently, ask ur god to forgive me and this poor victim. If ur god is just, why would he/she/it would allow this poor to be victimized from the beginning?!!!!!!!

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  jsargent

  05/05/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?€™s Acting Weird

  Look for a new job. Don't make the same mistake again. Ask him for a good reference so that you can find a new job. This will defuse the situation and it will relieve the pressure on both sides.
  

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  29

  Lonerjoe

  05/26/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  This is so so interesting that even months after this post, people (myself included) are still commenting. Amazing how people have poured their heart felt concerns & much more.
  
  Anyway - Boise, it's obvious you enjoyed what you did & am sure you have little (if not none) regrets. Since the 'last' time this happened, in Feb or Jan I am guessing, I hope you didn't repeat the act again. But if you did, then it's absolutely ok, just don't expect anything in return & you'll be fine.
  
  Lastly, I am sure you are equally amused as I am, with all the stuff you got to read till date (if you still read this page i.e). Carry on enjoying life & make sure you know what or rather who, you want.

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  30

  dhwicker@...

  06/05/09 | Report as spam

  RE: I Slept With my Boss and Now He?s Acting Weird

  Maybe he's acting weird because he thinks he has syphilis and or got you knocked up. OR, it could be you weren't as good as he(and the guys at the water cooler)was expecting Ya know, granny ******* instead of a vickies thong, youve never been to Brazil(if ya know what I mean) and that chipmunk noise you make at just the right time. Let him know the lab results and go for it a few more to times to see if you can improve your game. He was expecting something more substantial and for the risk he took you didn't really rock his world. Go get him back in the saddle as soon as possible or he'll never ride again.
  
  Also, those people above, don't listen to them. You really need to sleep around as much as possible. Every work environment really needs a fluff girl just like you for morale. With your lack of real work skills and ethics coupled with a hopefully smoking bod, you really don't have any other chance of succeeding in just about anything you do. So why not work on that technique, get some bolt ons up top and use what ya got to get to the top. Being Bi also helps.