BNET Insight

Sales Machine

A, Always. B, Be. C, Closing.

How to Cope with a Rude Customer

August 20th, 2008 @ 5:30 am

33 Comments

Categories: Cold Calls, General, Management, Sales Skills, Sales Tips, Watercooler

Tags: Customer, Sales Strategy, Sales Force Management, Sales, Geoffrey James

Rude CustomerA reader writes:

I started my morning off with a customer chewing my rear off about a product. We’re talking rude, degrading, disrespectful insults flying out of this man’s mouth! I put on my best smile and worked to “pop” his balloon. But to no avail. He hung up, probably satisfied that he was superior in the battle. He slammed me, my company, and companies that did business with us. It took every part of me to keep my control and let this guy fume! My question is…are there just some times when all your sales knowledge just doesn’t help? And is there ever a time when you can just let loose? Please say yes! I’m still steaming!

Well, the standard answer is that you’re never supposed to “let loose.” After all, if “the customer is always right,” it’s your job to stand there, nod, and take it, right?

I don’t think so.

If you’re in sales, you’re a professional. Which means that you have the RIGHT to civility and respect. No exceptions.

Before I go further, though, I need to emphasize that the advice that I’m about to give is for sales professionals, not people working in customer support. Sales professionals can and must interact with customers on a peer-to-peer basis. Customer support personnel are paid to be subservient. Different role, different approach.

So here’s my advice for sales professionals. If somebody is being intense with you, then a failure to get intense in return only makes them more intense. If you want to defuse the situation, you need to get in rapport with the customer, which you can’t do if you’ve got “welcome” tattooed on your chest.

When a customer gets rude or loses his temper, the correct response is not to placate (i.e. “put on your best smile”), but to increase your own intensity and then demand civility. Here’s how:

  • STEP #1. Raise your own intensity level. Don’t become as intense as the customer, but let your voice become firm and authoritative. If you’re face-to-face, put on a serious expression, one that expresses clearly that you don’t appreciate being yelled at. You’re a professional, not a doormat. Act like one.
  • STEP #2. Call the customer’s bluff. State clearly that you’re willing to help resolve the problem, but you’re not going to be yelled at. Don’t mince words. Make it clear that your help is dependent upon the customer’s ability to behave in a civil manner. In most cases, the customer will BREATH A SIGH OF RELIEF. It’s quite noticeable.
  • STEP #3. If the customer doesn’t comply, end the conversation. Do this politely but firmly. State that you’ll be glad to help once the customer is willing to treat you with the respect that you deserve. You will almost never need to do this, but it sometimes happens.
  • STEP #4: Apologize for the problem. Once you’ve demanded, and gotten, civil behavior — then and only then — you should apologize for the inconvenience that the problem has caused the customer. Explain that you are just as committed as the customer is to resolving the problem.
  • STEP #5: Work on the problem. Now that you’ve established rapport and the fact that you’re a professional, you can go ahead and work the customer’s issue.

The reason that sales pros don’t insist upon respect is that they’re afraid that that the customer will become even more rude. But answering intensity with (appropriate) intensity is giving the customer what he or she really wants, which is a connection. The customer wants to be heard. And nothing is more frustrating to an angry person than getting a “have a nice day” brush-off and nothing fuels a bully more than weak-kneed caving.

There are three advantages to demanding respect, before you work a customer problem:

  1. It’s easier on your nerves. No job is worth being abused. If you’re a sales professional, you can always get a job elsewhere, anyway, so there’s no excuse for putting yourself through this kind of emotional wear and tear.
  2. It establishes your credibility. When you placate, you’re just proving to the rude customer that you’re not a professional and therefore not reliable as an individual. The customer figures that, if you had something valuable to offer, you wouldn’t take the guff.
  3. It prevents future flareups. Once you’ve laid down the ground rules for interaction, you’ll get the respect you deserve. I saw this happen with a boss who yelled at employees until they mustered the courage to yell back. At that point, he was satisfied and never yelled at that person again.

In other words, stop getting “steamed” and start standing up for yourself. You’ve got nothing to lose… except the aggravation.

FOR MORE ON THIS SEE:

This Blog's Best Post: The Ultimate Cold Calling Tool

 
Reply to Story

BNET TalkbackShare your ideas and expertise on this topic

Subscribe to this discussion via Email or RSS

  •  
    1

    MITCH061

    08/20/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    I Firmly believe in the article. It Is a great write up. I have always delt with customers like that, unfortunatly upper management, is expecting all smiles from the sales individuals, unless of course, the roles have changed and then they are placed in the hot seat, then its a whole different ball game.

    I would love to see a write up about "those rude customers"...and hear peoples stories and how they have delt with them in the past.

    major kudos.

    -MRG

  •  
    2

    United Systems

    08/20/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    Same here, with the exception that I own the joint. I give our people the power to be firm and responsive without being nasty right back. That goes for sales and support. NO ONE, not even support people should take a beating for something they personally have not done. At least not for too long... ;P

  •  
    3

    ollyl@...

    08/21/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    Whilst I agree in principle with what you have put forward and I have, on occasion been very firm with unreasonable customers, I must comment on one aspect of this strategy.

    When I train sales professionals on connection (and this is the crux of the matter) I explain that for any situation between individuals to persist there must be equilibrium. If the situation is negative then you must disturb the equilbrium to bring about change.

    I suggest you be firm, but calm and composed. This breaks the nexus and causes the irrational person to realize he is not creating the desired effect and he then has a moment of confusion untill you create the next equilibrium with your professionalism.

    People always seek balance; the key is you select the tone of the relationship and so the balance will be as it should be, professional and mutually beneficial.

    Ollie Lind
    howcani.com.au

  •  
    4

    Bestnotefinder

    08/21/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    I think the best way to stop a customer from being rude is in the attitude that you have before you pick up the phone.

    Whats the "right attitude"?

    GET EXCITED! Get excited like you are about to go to the best concert you've ever wanted to go to. Or like you're about to see God, or go somewhere you've been dreaming of traveling for a long time - That kind of excited.

    Harness THAT excitement and express it about yourself and your company.

    And ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS SMILE!

    When I have an offer for customer that I don't think is that good. If I said, "I don't think you're going to like this" and had a sour tone, they wouldn't be as happy about it, they might even take a tone with me and the deal is less likely to close where as if I get excited about myself and what I have to offer as a company and I call them and they say:
    "Hello"
    and I say "GREAT NEWS! You'll never believe the kind of offer I have for you.

    Then I think they are less likely to flame up and burn you.

    But those are great tips. I agree that your intensity should raise but not your temper. I think solving their problem and repeating what their problem is back to them helps them feel understood.

    Also, Some people are just angry people and actually enjoy creating drama. I wouldn't dismiss everything off as that before evaluating other reasons why they're upset but I would just take it into consideration.

    One other thought on this subject is that If people get mad at you and yell at you, it's not your fault. They could have just lost a job or had a spouse die or had their son imprisoned. Life happens and they can take it out on people. Some people just want to be listened to and listened to and listened to. I'm not saying you should necessarily ask them where it hurts but if they offer it then listening to them can build rapport and prevent future "blow ups."

  •  
    5

    BW2

    08/21/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    I couldn't agree more with the article and many of the comments. I am a strong believer in standing your ground in the face of abuse, even if you or your company is at fault. No-one deserves to be abused for doing their job!

    I would agree with Ollie in being in control; becoming submissive or angry will only feed the customer's vengeful needs. If the customer will not reduce their tirade and talk reasonably then the conversation must end. On a few occasions I have demanded that an angry customer leave our premises and not return and in most cases they have called later to apologise for their behaviour.

    Once the situation is under control, if you or your company is at fault, you apologise; you work with the customer to right the wrongs. This will earn you respect and, as I have found with one of the ejected customers, a loyal customer.

  •  
    6

    wgray31@...

    08/21/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    It may be a case of the way comment #4 was worded, but I can't agree with the blanket statement - "If people get mad at you and yell at you, it's not your fault." One of the easiest ways to cause a customer issue to escalate into a major concern is attitudes of a vendor or service provider in which nobody takes responsibility. Sometimes, when a customer is concerned it actually is the person who they are talking to who did cause a problem, and very often the initial manner in which they attempted to handle the customer caused the issue to become much more of a problem. There are many other times when everyone would be best served if each employee took full responsibility for anything the company sold.

  •  
    7

    Geoffrey James, Sales Machine

    08/21/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    I just got this email:



    This has to be the WORST posting I have seen on Bnet...first of all NO human being - customer service rep or not is 'subservient'.
    If that were true and they got paid to take the abuse then they should make thousands a day more than you pitiful sales people. Secondly I'd like to see you try that "raise your intensity level" in the Bronx or Brooklyn, they'd be scrapping you up off the pavement almost immediately. Congrats you have helped me make my final decision to unsubscribe to this blog....




    Having some anger management problems, are we?

  •  
    8

    Geoffrey James, Sales Machine

    08/21/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    Here's another one:



    How do you get the respect from students in a classroom if you are a substitute teacher, without getting upset?



    Beats me. I'd probably demonstrate how I can break a fair-sized board with my fist and then explain that I can do the same with a human head. But that's me. I don't think anybody's likely to hire me as a substitute teacher.

  •  
    9

    dr.satish

    08/22/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    I Firmly believe in the article. It Is a great write up. I have always delt with customers like that, unfortunatly upper management, is expecting all smiles from the sales individuals, unless of course, the roles have changed and then they are placed in the hot seat, then its a whole different ball game.

  •  
    10

    Geoffrey James, Sales Machine

    08/22/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    QUOTE: unfortunatly upper management, is expecting all smiles from the sales individuals


    I should probably mention that the recipe for coping with a rude customer also works with upper management screamer types. They are often the ones that expect "all smiles."

  •  
    11

    mcontois@...

    08/22/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    I think the main point to take away from this article is to get rapport with the customer and to listen. Express empathy for the problem and let them know that you will be in charge of getting it resolved. Don't make excuses. I don't think people mean to get rude and nasty. I think it is out of frustration. I have many years of experience dealing with customers. I have been successful at building rapport with some very tough customers. They want to know that you care, will listen, and will take responsibility for getting the problem resolved. The outcome may not be one that the customer likes or wants but at least it will go to completion and not be in limbo. This is what we will do and that's it. The customer has the right to not do business with the company in the future if the business is not providing what the customer needs and what the customer can get elsewhere. It's a very competitive world. The sales professional should work to see if this customer is worth keeping or if it's time to let them go. Not all customers should be kept. If the business is losing money on the customer then why keep them. If the customer is a lot of trouble and the business is barely breaking even then why keep them. I would seek to work to get the customer to leave on pleasant terms. Sorry we could not meet your needs and I would mean that sincerely. There's my 2 cents for what it is worth.

  •  
    12

    Paulette_U

    08/22/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    I work customer service, which will probably get some sneers judging by the attitude that has so far been put forth here. I have and will continue using the methods described above, because they are good tips and they do work. Nothing quiets down hostile customer quicker than the realization that you're a) not taking the bait, b) not getting worked up, and c) a human being.

    Yes, that's right, I said I was a human being worthy of respect, not a customer service representative being paid to be subservient. That's the only part of this write-up I do not agree with; just because someone is viewed as subservient doesn't automatically mean that they are less worthy of respect. Nor should they be expected to take abuse without handling it in a professional manner. Of course, it could very well mean that I'm jumping the gun a bit, in that all the article was trying to say is that a different approach is necessary due to the perceived differences (on the customer's part) in equality. If so, may I suggest a follow-up? Because I would be interested to hear any new methods for handling rude and abusive customers!

    I hope I have worded this in such a way that it makes it clear that I do not suffer from anger issues. I am not bitter, I am not angry, all I am is a customer service representative who deserves, and by the way GETS, respect from her customers.

  •  
    13

    venturelinks@...

    08/22/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    This is exactly what I have always done when the customer goes beyond certain levels of civilty. It has worked like a charm. In fact some of my best customers were once the most abusive.

    Srinivasan
    http://www.motivationalnotes.com

  •  
    14

    Geoffrey James, Sales Machine

    08/22/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    QUOTE: I work customer service, which will probably get some sneers judging by the attitude that has so far been put forth here.


    I didn't mean to sneer at customer service. The reason that I didn't position my advice for customer service is that companies have standard ways that they expect CS folk to behave, and they monitor calls to make sure that CS folk are complying. I think it sucks -- and that it's bad business practice -- that CS folk are force to be "subservient" but that's the way it is. When managers can, and do, listen to your interactions, you're in a subservient position. Frankly, I think that CS folk should handle irate customers the same way as sales pros -- as professionals.

  •  
    15

    Donald Barbas

    08/22/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    In Assertiveness Training we teach to ask for any further complaint the irate individual has. It's disarming; gives you a measure of control, and gives you a chance to find the real issue.
    In NLP we use "mirroring" - pacing your behavior with the complainer. It's takes skill, but it's effective.
    Don Barbas, MBA

  •  
    16

    SandyMan1

    08/22/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    I don't buy this....Poor me--must stand up for my rights.
    This is a job..it is NOT personal (unless YOU allow it to
    be!) Sales is not far from theater. Actors do not take the
    lines thrown at them personally. Thicken your skin--see
    a shrink--"get excited" like a previous post
    explained...and cow-tow to your customer. Customers
    rule--they provide our paychecks and contribute to our
    commissions.
    And remember--What goes around comes around--they
    will get their fair share of humiliation, too!

  •  
    17

    Geoffrey James, Sales Machine

    08/23/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    QUOTE: cow-tow to your customer


    The second you do this, the customer no longer respects you. If you cannot command respect, the customer will find somebody who can.

  •  
    18

    prabhata

    08/25/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    Rude customers identified once are good subjects to work upon.If at all is a customer then his rudeness at one time could be a tip to know his motive. Either he wants to take a favour from you to which he himself does not favour or he is looking for the benifits in further deal which he thought not taken in last deal(He thinks so).
    There can be situation based handling for the rude customer. It could be standard smile or being firm in demanding respect as said in the article.
    The tactics of the customer has to be understood and accordingly retacticed.
    Good discussiuon any way on the ever (dis)liked subject by sales pros.
    aaprabhat@yahoo.com

  •  
    19

    robhodgson

    08/25/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    This was an interesting article on a subject that everyone in sales is going to face at some point in his/her career.

    There are, however, two issues that I disagree with.
    Firstly the customer is not always right. The customer may be king but not necessarity right. If you take the attitide that the customer is always right then you are on a hiding to nothing and you will be exploited.

    Secondly, where on earth do you get the idea that sales support are paid to be subservient? What an archaic idea. How can one expect professionalism and respect from the sales support team if they are not viewed in this light. The salesman can work for months pursuading a customer to forward his business away from a competitor company and the sales support staff could destroy everything within minutes if they are unprofessional.

    Rob Hodgson
    Divisional Manager: Protea Speciality Chemicals

  •  
    20

    Geoffrey James, Sales Machine

    08/25/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    QUOTE: the customer is not always right

    The point of the post is that the customer is NOT always right, especially when the customer is being rude.



    QUOTE: here on earth do you get the idea that sales support are paid to be subservient

    Any job where management can and does monitor all communications is, by definition, subservient. Subservience and professionalism are not necessarily subservient. In the Roman empire, for instance, the most educated "professionals" (e.g. physicians, engineers) were frequently slaves. I'm sure there are many CEOs today who think of such times as the good ol' days.

  •  
    21

    Geoffrey James, Sales Machine

    08/25/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    The above should have read "not necessarily mutually exclusive."

  •  
    22

    leonieb

    11/24/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    Great article - support people should be able to deal with rude customers just the same, but you're right in that *management* often insist they act subservient towards customers. Bad management, that is.

    However if you are a sales pro going into that 'tough meeting' with the customer alongside a colleague or manager, make sure you have a strategy and are on the same page. The last company I worked at, our best sales rep had to take a major beating from an important customer because the *boss* wouldn't speak up in the meeting. Even though they were in a position to fix the problem, they were too afraid to engage with the angry customer, and eventually blamed the sales rep for something that was completely out of their control (lack of marketing budget). Fortunately the customer saw through it and told the boss as much. They're still a customer but the sales rep left not too long afterwards. If your boss doesn't back you - walk!

  •  
    23

    schugh30

    12/12/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    Your SELF CONFIDENCE should lead to SELF RESPECT. Display POSITIVE ARROGANCE and make the rude person understand that his/her wrong behaviour cannot correct the mistakes of the past.

    However, sieze the opportunity to provide alternative solutions, if any, after tempers have cooled down. Sometimes you can be rewarded for just putting up with the customer at their weak moment.

    If rudeness continues, parting ways should help...

  •  
    24

    SteveRider

    12/16/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    Not bad. I would also add to never say "you're sorry." unless it's truly a mistake you made. Working in retail sales taught me how to disarm angry customers. First acknowledge their issue. Second, turn the conversation to fixing the problem. If they want to continue to vent, then acknowledge that they're upset and firmly ask whether they want you to help them resolve the problem. If they don't back down, you set up another time to discuss the problem in a rational way but you don't allow them to simply rant away.

  •  
    25

    BMC101

    12/16/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    Amazing!
    What a mix of comments. I will have to agree with the article for the most.
    You must control the situation. If that's showing the customer that you are human and can feel their frustration either in facsial expression or the proper wording then so be it. But letting them know that you are listening by repeating their complaint shows that you have listened. Then take action. Let them know how you intened to approach their issue.
    It really all boils down to, Act on this as if you were the customer and you were in their shoes.
    Evaluate. Gather every piece of information pertaining to their issue. GET THE FACTS - Being totally knowledagable about what has caused all the rukus will give you the tools needed to make a decision that (should) resolve most complaints. I have found that after gathering all the facts the first approach to the customer that I would take is to ask the customer - What do you see as the resolve to this issue. You might be suprised. Most customers will tell you what they perceive as the fix. It might be much less than you were willing to do. After again applogizing for what ever happened and coming to an agreement ask your customer if this is going to leave them TOTAL SATISFIED! This is very important. If all the effort is not going to leave the customer happy then it might be something to rethink. If they are going to leave your establishment and still be unhappy and bad mouthing you. It has not accomplished anything.
    Thats my two cents. Hope this is of some value.

  •  
    26

    clarkm

    12/17/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    Sandyman states that this is a job, it is not personal. Since when is your job, your profession not personal? If you are being verbally attacked, how is that not personal? The old happy face may work in some instances but not all. I'm personally not going to take crap from anybody, but I believe that I convey that in how I handle myself on a regular basis.

    Only once in my 17 years of sales experience did I ever run into an abusive (prospective) customer. I did my best to let the person vent by acquiencing, but when it became clear he wasn't going to change his approach I simply stopped the conversation, let the man know that I wasn't going to take his abuse any longer and that if he wanted my assistance I would be glad to assist him, but only if he acted in a civil and professional manner.

    Suprisingly he did not relent. I ended the meeting and offered the phone number of our CEO/owner if he cared to call and discuss his issues further. He continued the abuse, following me in the halls and actually interrupting a seperate meeting with another client from the same firm, calling me an idiot and other choice words. I simply acted as if he weren't in the room. It had become obvious at this point that this person had other issues.

    I hadn't done business with these folks at this point, there weren't any outstanding issues and I had come at their request to discuss a project opportunity. I was completely blindsided.

    Personal indeed!

  •  
    27

    clarkm

    12/17/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    'acquiescing'; poor spell checking.

  •  
    28

    Chunder again

    12/17/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    Step 1 Empathise with the person. I can see how this would annoy you, I can understand your frustration etc.

    Then the rest depending upon the response - always try to defuse first. Police forces don't use this response for no reason - avoid escalation, you are firstly protecting yourself from physical harm and secondly negotiating a position to move forward.

    I really must disagree with the differentiation between sales and support. Both positions represent a company and the line for someone to cross when dealing with either is the same line. In fact this applies to reception, delivery driver, tea lady - all positions within a company and not just with customers but internally with other staff also.

  •  
    29

    horbs2006

    12/19/08 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    This article hit the nail on the head. I have been known to get angry especially when I can see where I failed to connect the dots and something fell thru the cracks. When I complain there is NOTHING I want to hear less than a completely calm person on the other end of my rant who appears to be waiting for me to finish. Please don't tell me to relax or calm down, how condescending. Listen yes, but now empathize just a tad and tell me how we're going to fix it. That's what I do and I do apologize when I need to but never cowtow. Every one can make a mistake.
    Some of my best customers throughout the years have been the curmudgeons, the yellers and the explosive types. No one else wants them. I listen and show them I respect them not fear them and whaddya know a loyal customer emerges.

  •  
    30

    lawasky

    01/07/09 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    Well nice stuffs. I think i totally agrree with the writer but i must say no one in the real sense could be totally subservient, cos we are human and have feelings.

  •  
    31

    2530

    01/08/09 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    all this is very intresting exept that the way i read it you assume the customer is wrong i dont mean his being rude i mean the fact that he had the audacity to complain in the first place and it is the company policy to shortchange customers every way possible and pull every scam to aviod there responsabilities.ie insurance companies (think motor or flood at this point and then think 12months and not a hope of settlement) now look up jessica gorst williams and see some of her case histories{ps i am in no way conected to this lady just an admirer of her}

  •  
    32

    shwetatrains

    01/22/09 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    I learnt from 'Geeta' (Hindu holy book) and my father - don't let any affect you in anyway. You might face physical injuries in the run of your life but it's your spirit that should keep you alive.
    The more you take the abuses personally, the more you will hate your job and that's any job that you do. Getting affected to the extent that it starts worrying you just worsens your self-esteem.
    I hope this makes sense!

  •  
    33

    gny

    02/04/09 | Report as spam

    RE: How to Cope with a Rude Customer

    This is an interesting article.Supports in-abuse of our professionals. I agree with the writer because it is a matter of knowing your cstomer behavior that enables yo handle them well. For sales professionals,your job is more on the psychological aspect than just presenting the product.

Please add your comment:

  1. You are currently: a Guest |
  2.  

Basic HTML tags that work in comments are: bold (<b></b>), italic (<i></i>), underline (<u></u>), and hyperlink (<a href></a)

advertisement

Blogger Profiles

  • Blogger Thumbnail Geoffrey James Geoffrey James has sold and written hundreds of features, articles and columns for national publications including Wired, Men's Health, Business 2.0, SellingPower, Brand World, Computer Gaming World, CIO, The New York Times and (of course) BNET. He is the author of seven books, including Business Wisdom of the Electronic Elite (translated into seven languages and selected by four book clubs), and The Tao of Programming (widely quoted on the Web as a "canonical book of... more »

advertisement
  • Click Here
  • Click Here
  • Click Here
advertisement