THE SCENARIO: I’m the leader of a creative team at an advertising firm, and one of my team members, who I am good friends with and is a very solid producer, has told me she plans to apply for a position that has come open at our company where she would be leading another creative team. The problem is that I don’t think she’d be good for the position, and she’s asked me to recommend her to the vice-president in charge of filling the position. I’ve always given her great performance reviews, and I think she’s very good as a team player, but I don’t think she’d function well in a leadership position. I don’t want to damage our friendship or our working relationship, and I’m torn as to whether I should tell her my feelings, simply decline the offer to give her a recommendation, or make my opinion known to the person in charge of filling the position. Where’s the line?
Doing what’s best for your personal relationships with coworkers, and doing what’s best for your company, don’t always balance nicely. What’s more important? Well, the official answer is “what’s best for the company.” In reality, you’ll want to find a line somewhere in the middle. Helping her to ascend to a position that won’t be a good fit for her is wrong; so is stomping on her effort to get there.
Voicing your concerns to her directly will do irreparable damage to your relationship, no matter how gently you break the news. And since you’d basically be telling her that she’s not right for the promotion but you want her to stay on your team, that’s not going to work.
Declining the offer to recommend her is also going to raise a lot of questions, and plant a seed of doubt in her mind that will similarly erode the trust inherent in your personal relationship.
So we arrive at the third option, making your opinion known to the person in charge of filling the position. This is an option where you can be fair, be discreet, and still fulfill your duty to the company. When the time comes for your opinion to be heard, tell the truth but don’t make it your duty to say that she’s not right for the position. List your team member’s strengths and weaknesses, and leave it up to the hiring person to decide whether or not your assessment supports her bid for the position. Be fair and honest, and if your friend asks you what you said, tell her you did just that. You assessed her strengths and her weaknesses, and that’s all.
Your friend may still get the job, but it won’t be your doing. And who knows, you could be wrong. She might be a good leader and give your team a run for its money. If not, it won’t be on your conscience as long as you gave a clear and balanced assessment, which is all the company can ask for.
Have a workplace-ethics dilemma? Ask it here, or email wherestheline@gmail.com
