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Don't Label Yourself

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Language is a relatively effective communication tool. I say relatively effective because, well, let's face it, it's highly subjective and open to interpretation. And you know what? We make a bad situation worse by using labels. Sure, labels are great shortcuts, but they have a big downside. They're more subject to misinterpretation than if you were to describe what you're talking about in detail. For example, telling somebody you're a "marketing guy" narrows their interpretation of your capabilities to oh, about 500 possibilities. Steve Jobs is a "marketing guy." He's also a CEO of one of America's top companies. My phone just rang a few minutes ago. It was a "marketing guy" offering a special credit card rate. Big difference. Politics? Don't even get me started. When you're being interviewed for a job, negotiating with a customer, or speaking with a potential client, do you really want to leave their impressions up to subjective interpretation? Of course not. And make no mistake: people base a lot - even big decisions - on first impressions. Don't you? Speaking of first impressions, here's a common exchange that takes place just about every time you meet somebody new, except I'ved added [in brackets] some interpretations of the labels used.

"So Steve, what do you do for a living?" "Well, I'm a consultant [big bucks] and I also write [pauper]. Before that I spent 23 years [wow, he must be old] in the high-tech industry [geek], most recently in marketing and sales [slime bag]." "Really? What company did you work for?" "Well, a number of different companies [can't hold a job], mostly small-to-mid-sized ones you've probably never heard of [loser].

Okay, that was a bit satirical, but the truth is I've screwed up lots of opportunities, including some really big ones, by using labels I shouldn't have. I bet you have too. No matter how good a communicator you think you are, you use more labels than you think and way more than you should. And sooner or later, like it or not, you will shoot yourself in the foot. Here are some tips to help you avoid that, but just being aware of the problem will help.

Keep statements brief; then shut up. That's a cue that it's the other person's turn. That'll give you more information with which to base your follow up and buy you time to consider what you want to say next.
When it comes to important stuff like customer inquiries and job searches, get in the habit of developing - in advance - a positioning statement or a set of key messages you'd like to get across. Don't memorize or rehearse; just developing it will do the trick.
Engage by asking questions and actively listening. You'll find out more about the other person, her potential hot buttons, motives - whatever's appropriate for the circumstance. Of course, do it without grilling, imposing, or acting creepy in general.

Have labels ever gotten you into trouble? Think about it.

posted by Steve Tobak
October 29, 2009 @ 6:30 am

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