1) My broke, out-of-work brother needed a break, so I asked my bosses to interview him. They all thought the world of me and my work until they met him, talked with him, then asked me afterwards if I was adopted. My financial analyst work was still exceptional, but I could tell they didn't think as highly of me as they did before they interviewed my brother. BTW, he didn't get a job offer.
Next time, I'll keep family members out of my work environment.
2) I noticed the internal workings of a mutually used file cabinet weren't in alphabetical order, so I asked my newly hired boss if I could stay after work and put it in order for her. She screamed at me that she wanted it the way it had always been - disorganized and chaotic - and if she didn't have any problems finding her paperwork, so why should I? I took her response as an inkling of what her true personality was all about and quit at the end of the day. While I was walking across the parking lot, she screamed at me from the office window, "You can't leave me. I just got here," and watched horrified as she ran down the stairs and sprinted towards my car, eyes blazing and yelling obscenities at me the whole time. Thank god for automatic car door openers. I couldn't drive away from her fast enough.
Next time, I'll keep my filing suggestions to myself.
3) I was at a job fair with the CEO and upper management. I had already arranged to go out to dinner with a friend for the evening and announced it to everyone after a hard day's work at the fair. There was an awkward pause, then my boss turned to me and said, "Didn't you get the memo? We were all invited to go to the penthouse suite and eat dinner together." Not understanding the nuances of what he said, I commented, "Oh, that's nice. I hope you all have a good evening," and walked out, not recognizing that he was trying to throw me a life-line to cancel my plans and join the group. I missed an excellent opportunity to be with upper management in a dinner setting.
Next time, I'll remember my family isn't always as important as golden opportunities.
4) My boss wanted an office pet, so she went to the pound and picked out 2 adorable kittens. She named them, put a big basket next to her desk and littered her office floor with catnip toys. After a week, she wanted to know where the kittens were sleeping because they refused to stay in her office and wanted to have nothing to do with her. She was furious that they had set up camp in my office. One lived on top of my computer monitor, the other slept next to my telephone. I could have told her I was a cat-whisperer, but she didn't ask. I lasted two more months before I quit. She made working there very hard as she was upset her kitties didn't like her. It was harder to say good-bye to the kittens than it was to my co-workers. Last I heard, they were peeing on her desk and barfing on the copy machine.
Next time, I'll recommend a dog for an office pet.
5) I worked in PR at a papermill. All the executives were gathered in the boardroom and the meeting had started. I excused myself, and left to get a camera out of a locked cabinet for the photo staff. As I entered the boardroom with the camera in hand, there was a gloomy tone in the air, so to break the ice, I said in a cheerful tone, "Is there anything going on that we can photograph?" An HR executive grabbed me and whispered, "We just lost an employee at the front gate; he was run over by a truck and killed." Classic case of open mouth, insert foot.
Next time, I'll take the temperature of the room before making a comment aloud.
6) Our new CEO was female and single. I didn't know the office talk centered around whether she was gay or not. Not that it mattered - she was a very effective CEO with excellent credentials - but the office chatter was about her and her new housemate, a friend who had moved in with her for a month while her house was being remodeled. The CEO said, "I guess I know more about my friend since she moved in than I previously knew about her," and I innocently said, "So, you know her on a more intimate basis now?" And the CEO just raised her eyebrows and walked away from me. The office staff laughed aloud when the CEO closed the door to her office and they let me in on why what I said was so highly inappropriate. Just for the record, she was married last summer - to a man - so the rumor was false anyway.
Next time, I'll actually listen in on the water cooler chatter.
7) Our CEO had just started a tour during our grand opening and as a junior executive in HR, I stayed behind to grip/grin with new employees and hand out paperwork. The CEO had just stressed in his speech how secure the building was and how safety was our #1 priority for all employees. After the last person left the area, I realized I was locked out on the loading dock with only big burly men in 16-wheeler trucks. One man grabbed me, pulled me up into the cab of his truck and started to tear my clothes off. I don't remember screaming or fighting, but another man in another truck came to my rescue and fought off the first man. I ran around the building, fixed my clothing, joined the rest of the tour without saying a word because I didn't want to ruin the grand opening, then drove home at the end of the day, cried my eyes out and never told a soul.
Next time, I will report all assaults to the proper authorities.
8) My new boss said he always wanted to hear "what was going on" in our division, so when I told him an employee had been violent with another employee, he turned a deaf ear. When another employee had dodged a pair of scissors that the same employee had thrown at her, and it was reported to my boss and HR, and still, nothing happened. When the same employee threw her backpack through a window, we all told the new boss "what was going on" and we were told to just ignore it. Three assaults in under a month by the same employee, and it was dismissed by the new boss? Duh - we finally put two and two together; she was the boss' niece. Many of us either quit or asked to be transferred to another division.
Next time, I will recognize relatives are hired and treated differently than the rest of the staff.
9) I had been working for a bookbinding company in the sales department for over a year. The owner called me in, stating I had done an exceptional job and I deserved a raise. He said, "Is 15 enough?" and I said, "Yes," and that was the end of the conversation. I went out that night and celebrated my new $15.00 an hour raise. Imagine my shock when I received my next paycheck with a tiny amount more than last month. Hmmm. I thought to myself. Maybe I misunderstood. A few pushes of numbers on a calculator later and I had my answer. I had agreed to a .15 an hour raise, not $15.00.
Next time, I will ask for details and get it in writing.
10) My boss took us to a conference at Disneyland. She said she would give us time off in the evenings to go on rides and see the park, but during the day she expected to see all of us at the conference. Around 5:00 pm, she said to go on our "break" and I thought that meant we were done for the day, so I went to my hotel room to rest. My boss called my hotel room and I answered the phone. She screamed at me, "You're here to play, not rest. Get out of your room and go enjoy Disneyland! I didn't pay big bucks for you to stay in your room." Yikes. I didn't know my boss could have control over my play and rest AND work time. I hustled out to the park and made sure she saw me on several rides before returning to the hotel.
Next time, I won't answer the phone in the hotel room.
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