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7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

July 2nd, 2009 @ 10:31 am

32 Comments

Categories: Compensation, Economy, Entrepreneurialism, Hiring, Management, Opinion, Rant, Strategy, Tips and Tools, Wisdom, Workplace

Tags: Workplace, Boss, Human Resources, Dysfunctional Workplace, Psycho Boss, Workplace Stress, Management, Steve Tobak

Quick, by a show of hands, how many of you have workplace stress? Almost everybody, great. Now, how much of that stress do you think is self-imposed? What, no hands? Well, I’m not surprised, but you may be in for one.

You see, most people make their own stress. Why do they do it? How should I know? I’m not a shrink. So how do I know it’s true? I don’t; you tell me if any of these 7 Signs You’re Creating Your Own Workplace Stress resonate with you:

  1. Not making enough money? Join the club. Nobody, I mean nobody makes enough money. Work hard, be smart, do great things, learn how to negotiate, and the money will come. That’s how it works.
  2. Underappreciated, nobody loves you? Boss treats your co-worker better than you? Did you ever think maybe it’s you? Maybe you’re always whining. Maybe you treat them like crap. Maybe you never grew up. Who knows? 
  3. Your group gets no respect. IT is always getting dumped on. Sales and marketing has it easy. Guess what? The other group probably feels the same way. It’s called Silo behavior and it’s destructive, period. Grow up.
  4. You have a psycho boss? An abusive self-hating jerk who acts out his childhood drama on poor unsuspecting employees. That sucks, but the unemployment rate is 9.5 percent, so you don’t get to pick your boss. Fighting battles you can’t win generates stress.
  5. Too much work, too little time. This is usually self-imposed. Are you sure your deadlines are real and not just you feeling self-important, pushing yourself too hard because you haven’t got a life outside work? Slow down; what’s the worst that can happen?
  6. Peer problems. There’s a coworker you just don’t get along with and it’s really stressful, right? Well, guess what? I’ll bet she feels the same way about you. It happens to everybody. Try a little detente. Offer an olive branch. Swallow your pride and give in. It won’t kill you.
  7. Executive management doesn’t listen or care. Did it ever occur to you that executive managers are people too? They have their own issues and they’re not perfect. Some companies are well managed, some are managed by idiots. On the outside chance they’re not idiots, did you ever think that maybe, just maybe they know more than you do?   

If you think this post oversimplifies things, think again. You may be overcomplicating things. 

Try a little experiment: If you experience an issue or two and it changes when you jump companies or groups, then you were probably in a dysfunctional workplace. Welcome to the real world. Don’t whine and complain. Don’t give in and don’t give up. Be optimistic. Continue your search for a passionate, fulfilling job at a great company. You’ll find it.

But if it doesn’t change, if it’s always the same, then it’s probably you. You might want to see somebody about that.

 
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  •  
    1

    NewBoots

    07/02/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    Steve,

    I've been reading BNET for months now as a non-member, but after reading this article, I finally had to cave (just what I need -- another Web site membership!).

    For me, number six is incredibly important, and I cannot echo it loudly enough. If it sounds like an elementary tip, that's because it is. I think back to grade school when I was told to "choose my attitude." My attitude. Not your attitude. Because figuring other people out isn't the point. Dealing with them is. Now that we're in management world, these little lessons seem truer than ever.

    In a maxim: Life is 1% what happens to you and 99% how you react.

    Thanks for shedding some light on this.

  •  
    2

    echazin

    07/02/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    Oversimplifying things is NOT always the best course of action to take. It lends credence to the global perception that American leadership takes a myopic, ADD approach to problem solving in lieu of well though-out planning.

  •  
    3

    Dryad

    07/02/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    Check out the New Hampshires Securities Regulatory Agency, under the Secretary of State, for some examples of a really dysfunctional workplace. And they name names - it's part of the legal record - so I'm not telling tales out of school.

    That's one of the reason I bailed from the FA/brokerage industry in 2006 even after being a "top performer."

  •  
    4

    Dryad

    07/02/09 | Report as spam

    Here's the link:

  •  
    5

    droubik

    07/02/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    Dryad--

    Good for you for questioning what is written. Dr. M. Scott Peck referred to the blank acceptance of conventional wisdom espoused by institutions as "simplistic thinking". So, I applaud you!

  •  
    6

    Divac Ho

    07/02/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    a psycho boss is common in China, while some of them seemed to control everything. a good exmaple is he would check all what you've done that was assigned by him. that perhaps, gradually you become the same as you continuously sink into such culture.

  •  
    7

    Manabozho

    07/03/09 | Report as spam

    Stress is like the weather...

    ...except, everybody talks about it, and nobody knows what it is. Here's a stab.

    My S&P 500 company had a chance to work with a medico / psychologist from the Stanford Med School. He said that their definition of stress, after much study of historical definitions, cardiac health, etc, is: a difference between PERCEIVED resources and PERCEIVED demands. So, you have three places to go to work: 1) check to see if your demand perceptions are uniformly accurate (probably not); 2) check to see if your resources are as scanty as you believe; and 3) instead of diffusing your angst and not knowing how to find the handle on your situation, figure out where the demand-resource mismatch is causing you the most anxiety, and work on that, first. When you reduce that gap, go to the second-biggest gap between perceived resources and perceived demands. When you reduce that...well, you get the idea.

    BTW, as head of HR for 20 years, people occasionally came to my office and said, "I'd like to have a serious discussion with you. I hate to say this, but I just can't work with Fred any more."

    My answer was always, "You mean you're resigning? Because Fred is our guy in that position. It could change tomorrow, or it could be the same for another 20 years. But you're not Fred's supervisor, and Fred's not in the last stage of a disciplinary action. So, I suggest finding ways to work with him."

  •  
    8

    czarr

    07/03/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    good advice. made me think about a few things from the past from a slightly different perspective. we all suffer a bit from "we're god and never wrong syndrome". helps now and again to remove one's head from up one's backside and get a bit of distance.

  •  
    9

    Patorres

    07/03/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    As a shrink. I say all of these are points well taken,because
    they come from folks that have done their headwork, or have
    gone through grief and suffering.As F.W.N. said ?What does not
    kill you makes you stronger?-or in our terms:helps you to
    grow,to advance towards the dismantlement of the ego.As one
    of the contributors implies?what happens to us comes from
    something we ?have done or have neglected to do?.
    Any work by Claudio Naranjo can get you going on this path.

  •  
    10

    d3wrs01

    07/03/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    There are some nuggets of wisdom in this article that can be helpful. I liked what Patorres said about the "dismantlement of the ego" - difficult to do, but worth it!

  •  
    11

    jsargent

    07/03/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    While I agree that we should keep a reasonable perspective on things, answers 1 and 4 are just a crock in this article. Oh! Experienced one! So you think people struggling for money when their partner has just lost their job can be solved by a "pull yourself together and pull your socks up" and that workplace bullying is a nonissue.
    How about giving the advice to kick ourselves in the B@lls, don't worry the pain will take your mind off the stress.
    I personally am lucky enough not to be in this situation yet but I can understand if people are not so lucky. Stress? Sure all stress is self made, it's a natural reaction. To fight stress just find plenty of time for yourself like a hobby or a sport that takes you away from it. Or even better enjoy the kids.

  •  
    12

    kgrant@...

    07/03/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    ha! a breath of fresh air! In a world where there is no space for delayed gratification and everyone's a winner, there is far too much tolerance for self-indulgent sniveling from the comfort of a fur-lined rut. The workplace somehow became 'about the employee' and not 'about the work.'

  •  
    13

    Steve Tobak

    07/03/09 | Report as spam

    A little perspective, folks

    Frankly, some of you get it, but some of you look through the prism of your own personal situation, which is certainly understandable in these difficult times.

    Look folks, I have and have had my own money troubles and I have had some of the most psycho bosses imaginable. I feel your pain.

    But that's not what this post is about. It's about not stressing over things you can't control but doing something about what you can.

    Sign 1 is about people who constantly compare themselves to others and wonder why they don't make more. If you're not that guy, then it's not about you. But it's not about families struggling because someone lost a job.

    And Sign 4 is about not driving yourself nuts and beating yourself up because you have a jerk for a boss. In better times, you can quit. Hell, you can quit now, but that might make things even harder for you.

    And this will likely just throw fuel on the fire, but you know what? There are ****** employees, too. How do you know you're not one? Seriously. Since when is that label limited to management?

    A little perspective, folks. Try to get what you can from the post instead of picking it apart and reading your own personal situation into it. In a way, that's what the post was about.

    In any case, the comments are always fun to read and I appreciate them.

    Best regards and a happy 4th to all,
    Steve Tobak

  •  
    14

    amp9000

    07/03/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    I for one found the list quite humorous and totally appreciate the direct approach. In a world where we are surrounded by people who blame others or circumstances for their unhappiness, sometimes you just want to tell them to take a look at themselves.

    From someone who quit their job because of a psycho boss in this economy, trust me, I have finally been able to actually take my own advice:

    If you don't like it, then leave.

  •  
    15

    gmoeller1

    07/04/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    Great list.
    Bottom line: If you focus on what you can't control (others, the situation) you'll always be powerless. To find your power, focus on what you can control - yourself, your attitude, and your actions.

    Discarding emotional reactivity and bias, take a clear, hard look at yourself and ask why you are where you are and why you do the things you do. If what you're thinking and doing doesn't get the results you want, ask yourself why you insist on staying in your rut. What do you want in life? What could you think and do differently to reach your goal? Try something new, observe the result, adjust as needed. Repeat for a lifetime.

    It's a choice: Are you a victim, or a warrior? You're the only one who can determine that.

  •  
    16

    Love To Coach

    07/06/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    The number one sign that you are creating your own stress:

    You can not sleep because your mind is running from what happened at work!

    You may say you can not stop it...its part of the job, but you can. You have not found an outlet for the stress. So everything keeps getting amplified.

    Take it out on the treadmill, the road, the excercise bike, the elliptical, the weight machine anything..stop the feedback loop. Recongize these loops as the killers they are. Do not feed them, use excercise to break them when they start.

  •  
    17

    Julie25

    07/06/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    The best message here is to grow up. It never hurts to take a long hard look in the mirror before pointing at somebody else. Creativity, innovation, job satisfaction and many of those things we are looking for in our professional lives are not handed to us by others.

  •  
    18

    Steve Tobak

    07/06/09 | Report as spam

    Grow up

    "The best message here is to grow up. It never hurts to take a long hard look in the mirror before pointing at somebody else."

    Julie25 - I couldn't have said it better myself!

    Thanks,
    ST

  •  
    19

    tbevins

    07/06/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    "The best message here is to grow up. It never hurts to take a long hard look in the mirror before pointing at somebody else. Creativity, innovation, job satisfaction and many of those things we are looking for in our professional lives are not handed to us by others."
    So, you're right.. So, you told us stuff we've heard forever.
    What's not said at all here is that the best workplaces do not just let employees figure it out for themselves; they help them figure out their strengths and weaknesses, and uncover their talents - something, IMO, most people do not know how to do well.
    If you love your work, many things on this list don't bother you (as much) or are nonexistent.

  •  
    20

    BusinessManExtraordinaire

    07/09/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    I agree with this. Often time people tend to blame their own faults and insecurities on everyone around them which creates a very stressful and hostile environment to be in.

    People rarely look to themselves for improvement but that's what needs to be done in cases like these. Rather than pointing the finger of blame and saying "That guy screwed up!" you need to ask yourself "What can I do to improve the situation?" If everyone takes ownership of their own role in the situation the world becomes a much better place!

  •  
    21

    Noah Wollner

    07/10/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    Not sure about #5, Managers and CEO's want a sense of urgency. Whats the worst that can happen? They feel your area is not making progress and maybe needs to be looked into.

  •  
    22

    Steve Tobak

    07/10/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    Noah - they're not the same thing. You can have a sense of urgency and even work your tail off - which I highly recommend - without feeling stressed out because you never get to the bottom of the pile. Two very different things.

    ST

  •  
    23

    Steve Tobak

    07/10/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    tbevins: if you love your work, this post probably doesn't apply to you. Couldn't agree more. I also agree that the corporate environment has an impact, but it's not the whole story.

    Thanks!
    ST

  •  
    24

    perkinsonpm

    07/29/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    After reading this, I am still laughing. Don't take yourself so seriously. I do love my job and I do create some of my own stress. This article made my day....we need to laugh at ourselves sometimes. Everthing is not the fault of someone else. Yes, it is just that simple. Thanks

  •  
    25

    mifheili@...

    08/21/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    One of the events that shaped Mr. Steve Tobak's career is this "What is the common element in all the crap you have gone through in your life? YOU !!!"
    Exactly !!!
    I agree with you and with Mr. Tobak.
    Each one of us must hold himself/herself partly (big part) responsible for the stress that he/she goes through on the job. One of my employees (a trouble employee) came to me and said this "My salary must reflect my ambitions, and my social responsibilities; as a male - the bread winner of the family. By now, I should have made Senior Officer, and I am about to get married and start a family".
    These were his exact words. No mention of performance, no mention of his knowledge, skills or anything related to productivity. The sad part is that out of a petty, I have not terminated his employment.
    Yes, this person eat and breath stress; and, yes, it is self-imposed.
    What you did not mention in your piece is a dangerous dimenssion of stress: Is Self-Imposed Stress contagious? I fear that it is !!! It is not enough to say be reasonable with yourself, wake up, be real . . . . . this is a potentially malignant growth and it needs to be treated using drastic measures. Reading through your words woke me up to what needs to be done . . . NOW.
    Mohammad I Fheili
    Organizational Planning & Development Specialist
    mifheili@terra.net.lb

  •  
    26

    Steve Tobak

    08/22/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    Mohammed - glad you liked the post and thanks for the reference to How Events Shape Your Career: Are You Paying Attention? @ http://blogs.bnet.com/ceo/?p=2677

    That is sad about your employee. He just doesn't get it, does he?

    But tell us: why do you think it's contagious (not that I disagree, just wondering how you arrived at that conclusion) and what sort of "drastic measures" are you considering?

    Thanks for contributing to the discussion,

    Steve Tobak

  •  
    27

    mifheili@...

    08/24/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    Thank you Mr. Tobal.
    Clearly, if an employee is under stress (be it self-imposed or otherwise), he/she will not be motivated to work. Most likely, he/she will end up making his/her daily rounds from one office to the next. As a result, he/she will end up contaninating his/her fellow employees with his/her negative attitude.
    Moreover, he/she will go the distance to constantly (and uninvitingly) comment on other employees' work, conduct, and, to a certain extent, performance. Most often such conduct by the stressed out employee will trigger "unfavorable" reactions from employees to the point where if it is not properly and effectively managed will create chaos in the work place.
    The "drastic" measure is, and can not be but, the termination of the employee. Managers contribute to such a chaos in the workplace by waiting too long to take a decisive action (termination) once the "disease" has been effectively identified.
    In fact, your post indirectly taught me this: I, as a manager, I can live with knowing that I have failed in "reshaping" this trouble (not troubled) employee and I had to send him home. BUT I will never be able to live with the thought that my "stalling", camouflaged by my repeated attempts to give a trouble employee a second, 3rd, 4th, .... chance, caused chaos in the workplace. In this case, you start with one stressed out employee, but you end with many!!
    Finally, I leave you with this thought: What is the difference between "Employee Disengagement from work", and "Employee Resignation from work"? which one is more dangerous/harmful?

  •  
    28

    IndraniBose

    08/26/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    This is a brilliant piece of write up, comprehensive way of putting it across that the final control lies in our hands, the remote control of our thoughts and emotions is within us! Bravo Steve.. having worked in completely different sets of work environments with different sets of peer groups, I totally agree that it's quite easy to fall in to the trap of blaming the others... but yes, swallowing the pride came with practice and age calmed me down too, no offence to youngsters reading this pls!

  •  
    29

    Festylo

    08/27/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    This article was just spot on. The points were prim, precise and
    straight to the point! My advise, accept the things you cannot
    change, but if you feel you can't cope, pack your bags and
    move on...don't spread garbage, it'll be a worthless expense of
    energy!

  •  
    30

    yogshastri

    09/11/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    Looks like it was "ME" all along! Thanks for the hammer! May be it will help me in understanding myself and then doing something about it!

  •  
    31

    lepope

    09/16/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    Great article, Steve! We need to quit griping and belly aching about not making enoug money. We knew exactly what we were going to make when we took the job. We could change job to make more $, just to find ourself behaving the same way in the new job. So "stop it" as my 2 year-old says all the time. Accept and live with what you've agreed to.
    In addition, we should learn to love and appreciate others first, and give respect to our group and colleagues no matter what the situation may be at work.

  •  
    32

    cazz333

    09/28/09 | Report as spam

    RE: 7 Signs You're Creating Your Own Workplace Stress

    Make your own work.

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  • Blogger Thumbnail Steve Tobak Steve Tobak is a marketing and strategy consultant based in Silicon Valley. He's a 20-plus year high-tech industry veteran and former senior executive of a number of public and private companies. He also wrote the popular blog Train Wreck for CNET. When he's not airing corporate America's dirty laundry and helping companies solve their problems, Steve likes to play with gadgets and animals and drive his wife crazy. Find out more at Invisor.net. more »

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