The Find: Building relationships is a key business skill, but if you’re a leader who failed to learn the basics of creating lasting and trusting friendships in elementary school, one book aims to offer a refresher course.- The Source: Keith Ferrazzi, CEO of Ferrazzi Greenlight and best-selling author discusses his latest book Who’s Got Your Back: The Breakthrough Program to Build Deep, Trusting Relationships That Create Success—and Won’t Let You Fail with blogger and venture capitalist Guy Kawasaki on the American Express Open Forum blog.
The Takeaway: Business may be all about relationships, but when some of us think about these connections, our minds go more towards the realm of networking, where getting to know someone often ends up being more about identifying what you can do for them and what they can do for you. That sort of connection may sometimes be useful, but it’s not the essential one for success, argues Ferrazzi. Instead, he recommends a back to basics approach, advocating actual relationships with three or more true friends who will tell you the truth and loyally have your back. If this isn’t something that comes naturally to you, Ferrazzi offers some fairly detailed instructions on how to make genuine connections. The first step to gathering up a team of trusted buddies to watch your back? Take some inspiration from Oprah:
Oprah, the queen of respected vulnerability, once said that opening up to others started with one admission to one person. And that’s exactly right—you’ve just got to take one risk and build out from there. But my recommended best practice is to start by adopting generosity as a core relationship-building trait. Unexpected generosity shakes people from their prejudices and established norms of behavior and affords you the permission to start interacting on a deeper level.
OK, you’ve made a switch and started to share nicely. Unsurprisingly, people like and trust you more. What now? Adjust your mindset. There are four key bullet points to remember when making friends in the Ferrazzi universe:
A great lifeline relationship embraces The Four Mindsets: generosity, vulnerability, candor, and accountability. Generosity means they’re supportive, encouraging, and committed to your success. Vulnerability means they’re able to listen and share on a deep level; this also means they trust you, and you them. Candor means they’ll tell you when you have your head up your butt. Accountability means that they make sure you pull your head out.
So be nice, honest, reliable and not full of BS and all should sort itself out. Also, Ferrazzi suggests avoiding acting like Darth Vader (really) and having long dinners full of discussion. You can’t fault his advice and, hey, it’s cheaper than therapy. Want further tips? Check out Ferrazzi’s five part explanation on the HuffPost.
The Question: When did business leaders get to such a bad state that they need books telling them how to be decent human beings?
(Image of two friends by Gibsonclaire, CC 2.0)
